Holiday Nailz

It Has Happened Again...

This is what the giant was trying to tell you in your dream last night: I made a new song.

Happy "Devils' Day"

Check out this video my friend made for a class, for which I composed the soundtrack! You will also note yours truly in the role of the Hostess. Worthy of note is that before and after filming, we all had a good communal listen to the Velvet Underground which influenced more than a few images and themes in the video.

My Latest Finger to the Government

I'm becoming more and more Ron Swanson-esque by the minute. My latest outrage was getting slapped with a fine from, of all
places, the "Environmental" sector of Baltimore City. The issue is laid out in the letter, which I wrote because I hated thinking of their dead little faces in their office, processing these arbitrary citations and issuing fines, collecting them, then dumping their McDonald's wrappers in the Harbor. I cannot fathom simply writing a check to these poor saps so the government--or as is likely the case, private interest companies with Baltimore's nuts in their fist--can continue harassing its citizens without a good lashing. Unfortunately, just like like restraining orders against dangerously psychotic people, it is a weak bandage over a gaping wound. But it is crucial to continue doing so, or the assholes will continue believing they can do things like this without opposition.

-->

Collection Division

Environmental Code Citations

Municipal Building Lobby

200 Holiday Street

Baltimore, MD 21202

RE: Citation #: 53134425

To Whom It May Concern:

            I have reviewed the photos carefully online regarding this citation, and concede that one of these bags is indeed mine, as confirmed by Off. Turnipseed’s thorough rummaging. I am well versed in Baltimore’s laws concerning the inappropriate placement of trash, and do avidly abide by these and other laws to preserve the cleanliness of both the neighborhood and the environment, which in our great city is nevertheless overrun by rats.

            I am dismayed, therefore, that I should be penalized for what was intended to be an act of courtesy towards the maintenance workers employed by my leasing office at J.R. Owens Corporation. I am aware that there are trash bins for my building located in the alley behind 7 E. Eager. However, on the day in question, September 23, a Monday, our trash collection day, I noticed all these bins were overflowing. Rather than add to this disgraceful mess, which workers must collect, lift, and drag to the alley on the corner at 7 E. Eager every Monday afternoon, I placed my trash bag in the area where the rest of the trash would eventually sit and wait for the trash collection, sometimes for hours.

            As a hard working professional holding two hourly-wage jobs myself, I am aware of the hard work of these maintenance people. My actions reflect an error made in good faith, to prevent additional strain on others. It is clear to me now that only a mountainous trash heap brought to this corner by maintenance is permissible on trash day, and that a single, tied trash bag in the same place on the same day for the same purpose is subject to penalty.

            While I considered requesting a hearing to protest this arbitrary citation, I realized I would be forfeiting an entire day’s wages, and would most likely have my case rejected, with the original fine to pay anyway. This would make it difficult for me to pay my rent, pay for gas to get to my jobs, and feed myself. Therefore, I am including a check for the fine, $50, but with this supplementary information that may, by some miracle, impress upon interested parties that some of these “laws” meant to protect the integrity of the environment, are little more than a way to harass and bully the hard working citizens who otherwise recycle religiously, eschew the use of harsh chemical detergents, and strive to protect the quality of life for others who share this city.

Sincerely,
Outraged Citizen (I signed my real name, which is on a need-to-know basis).

Not without a fight, you fuckers.

How To Dress for Fall When it Feels Like Summer

It's the first week of October, and yet it's 90 degrees. Summer is sticking around like that hyper house guest who was great fun for the week she crashed on your couch and dragged you to 3am raves, but is now languishing in indecision and taking up all your bandwidth watching torrents of MadMen.

It's a feverish planet whose immune system is indicating danger, and we need to heed that. Walk or bike if you can. Recycle. Turn off lights. 

But what are you going to wear?

Your Spring florals in bursting pinks are in storage, and seem inappropriate in October anyway. Your summer teals and corals have seen enough daylight. But all those sweaters, leather jackets and the jeans you were gladly about to replace for your crotch-riding shorts are still waiting for more autumnal weather. It's painful for nature and awkward for you. You need immediate answers. Here are some ideas for shifting into fall while staying comfortable:

1. Mix styles/cuts

Let's say you are still digging the shorts, or the weather isn't giving you much of an option otherwise. First, consider which areas of your body get hottest fastest. 

Do you need free breathing legs? Do the shorts, and pair them with a more seasonally appropriate top like a long-sleeved shirt or light sweater. (See fabrics    discussion below). 

Are your shoulders/back dripping but you could stand warmer legs? Choose your briefest tank then pair it with summer-weight jeans or leggings. 

Is your everywhere hot? Tshirt, shorts, then socks and ankle boots. Boom.

Most Awkward Model Poses.com

2. Match color to season, if not cut

Another easy option is to ditch the flower and flamingo pinks and Cabo blues in favor of more season-appropriate colors like mauve/burgundy/purple, browns, rusty oranges/golds and of course black (see fabrics discussion, or consider a briefer cut). This way you can wear any cut you want to be max comfy but you still look aware of what month it is.

3. Leggings, long loose tank and ballet flats or wedges.

This works spring through fall and is always cute, especially if you're choosing fall colors.

4. Choose lighter fabrics

Let us embrace all the recession fabrics we've seen in the last few years. All those maddeningly gauzy polyester tops, many of which are long-sleeved, can finally serve a purpose beyond belt-tightening. All those threadbare long-sleeved buys can continue to be put to good use as your seasonable style/summery fabric option. You can balance it all out with sturdy boots, bag or heavy jewelry so you don't look completely ready to float away.

5. Accessorize to Season

NOPE

Consider Paris. Those babes are on a different fashion plateau than our boxy, denim-skirted bro-chicks over here. It's all in your personal philosophy of fashion of course, but consider the gender roles of the culture: French women have to deal with the infamously lecherous Frenchmen, so they have the greater challenge of commanding respect where it may not be offered. When you leave your home, you are in the world, and at least for Frenchwomen that means you must be dressed. (Yes, University Fashion 101 class, that means NO PAJAMA PANTS. Cute at home, not out.)

We may not need gloves quite yet, but scarves are always an option, and one that will allow you to feel more dressed, balancing the almost-underwear look of summer. Scarves are always in season, whether its your heavy cable-knit in winter, your flowy, spring cold-preventer, your wispy motion-creator in summer, or your infinity in fall. The Parisians know it, and moreover they know how to tie them, offering even more options for various levels of warmth. Get hip to it, ladies.

Dear Paris: STOPPIT.

Noticing a pattern here? It's all about balance. Wear a tank with your hair down, or an open jacket with a high bun. Wear summer cuts in fall colors. Layer light fabrics. 

Nothing is impossible. Think of this weird extended summer as an opportunity to get creative with your wardrobe. 

Happy October-summer!

Chronicle of Med-Deprived Madness

Author's Note
Isn't it fun to see what happens when you go cold-turkey on a life-supporting med? I never do this, out of disgust for general cultural acceptance of self-absorption, but here's a fun little snapshot of my brain narrative the last week as told in fragments:

Been working like a dog: 9-day week, 11-day week, w/o break, between two jobs. Ran out of C--, no more Rx, need another. Doc needs to fax pharm. Will he get memo? Will they fill? Will I have dough? Takes DAYS. Meanwhile, fight for one whole day off to have willing friends come over and begin organizing Dresden-esque apt. First touch in a year. Virginal dust. Startled dander. The vacuum cloud and catshit surprise.

Back spasms every morning for weeks/months. Bad sleep. So need memory foam topper, bullets biting, sucking up, stiffening upper. Have the $, the time/energy to clear out space to create space? Dash thru Ikea in last 10 min.  Grab such life-changing items as BEDFRAME (!!!), mattress topper and wonder of wonders WRITING DESK. Taken a whole year since move-in. Life in constant suspension, hold-off for faint illusion of travel. First time since leaving family home, know where I'll be in six months. Investments worthy. Friday night fluorescents twinkle on two young women struggling to fit mammoth boxes in tweedly Corolla already full, vestiges of last paid exploitation. Immigrant family's little girl swinging back and forth on dangerous machinery. Can't understand "be careful" in English.

Haul back to apt, pay $60 for delivery of Corolla un-friendly items. Arrives. Takes 4 hours, putting together, bruises, sweat, exhaustion, then to work, 4 hours, min. wage. Come home, bed MAGNIFICENT, sleep amazing but only tip of exhaustion iceberg. Next day, too exhausted for more building, wake up weeping, sore throat, eyes never not swollen. Do makeup in red to match. Is sad, is allergy, is punk, no?

Into shop again. Burst into new tears upon arrival, come to faulty irrational conclusions about life. Instigate text-fight with loved one (fifty points, back to Start, lose a turn). Sit in empty shop with bellyful of anxiety, sorrow, panic, drowning, bottom slid out, falling in dream, bottomless cavern. Allergies miserable. Reality clicking behind eyes, like refrigerator becoming self-aware and checking in, alive? sentient? shoddy slide transitions, disassociation, OBE dig that girl, face-in-hands, bangs need cut, posture/attitude need straighten. Should smile, should greet, should work...

Get in 20-min war w/ register tape, nearly rage-destroy entire machine. Forget to turn off air in shop, on all night, $$$ for owners, woops.

Off 1/2 of meds regimen: 2-3 days.

Home, have self-justified Chipotle and Ben & Jerry's most fattening flavor, the anxiety flavor, the hard day flavor, the I Still Have Rapid Metabolism flavor. Deserving. Distract self w/ most fugue-like episodes of realistic terror-drama. Nearly have fit. Feel worse. Feel danger. (Don't hurt yourself) Switch to Jay and Silent Bob, tend to dish mountain, wander aimlessly, burdened w/ relationship anxiety, bedtime anxiety (have to be at 9, leave by 8:30, wake up 7:30, wash one pair underwear in sink, cats fed and coffee made, so bed by 11, already 10:49, if in bed by 11 then have--on fingers--11-12-1-2-3-4-5-6-7:30 to sleep, plenty, IF successful)

Hear back, breakup tone. Cogent list of my failings laid out in plainview, none the least of which a dire creative standstill, cannot afford, but also cannot afford to have back spasms and rage-inducing clutter, need dough for items, need hours for dough, but need time for art, taken by hours for dough, but no art in level of clutter and physical pain and around and around and around we gooooo.

Already 11:30. Missing sleep, needing answers first or will dream of having stomach entrails ripped out by T-Rex, the monster not the band, lord haven't made a tune in weeks, not a sentence in days, 3rd or 4th night not taking crucial med. Losing track.

Harder to hear someone else notice one's failings. Self-loathing just at bay, thoughts of how my own shadows of peer abuse may be influencing my turnaround treatment of others. How lovely. The monsters linger. How will I ever exorcise? (Awareness, monitoring, foresight, get back on fucking meds, take--no--DEMAND days off...) But when to push on? When to let self-compassion (inner big sister) intervene, interest of self-preservation? Measure against others or only take stock of myself, MY limits, MY capacity, choose worthy struggle over un-worthy suffering? Which more/less worthy? How known? Done to self? IF self-induced then self-fulfilling, then self-solvable?? Seems to be so. Anxiety about creative rut useful/destructive? Probably latter, if too heated. Former if only tepid, passing acknowledgment or none at all.

Have felt this way. The old way. The family way. Before meds, when future seemed improbable, slave to suicide fantasies. The sinking, the fog lattice, watching myself, perma-disassociative fugue. But--remember also?

Remember? those nights wedded to the keys and world onscreen, ideas becoming thoughts shaped into sentences, beauty, strangeness, profundity, into story. A relief/disappointment to have to end or stop. Hours stretching limitless, unfathomable depths of loathing, re-purposed in scribbles, sketches, studies. Sense of lifeline, flotation device, rope descending into hell-canyon. That was grasping. That was life, just a glimpse. That was self-preservation.

A city wrapped in anxiety, resignation, depression. Progressive crashes at night, must be banana peel on street at intersection, the cries of the injured WAKE UP WAKE UP, laughter of gay flyboys and cackles/whoops of well-heeled women in sausage casings, a white couple fighting about their child-dog. The wailings of the homeless in the morning as I step out and almost on another human trying to stay warm behind outer doors, looking in the window at carpet and bed frames, memory foam and depressed women with girl-faces who don't have to pee in water bottles for modicum of animal modesty. The cats swipe apologetically at dingleberry drops. Obsessive. Shamed.

Art the only antidote. Remember, remember.

J is fine.
J is accomplished and capable.
J is intelligent.
J is an artist, a thinker.
J is doing her best.
J is strong and resilient (remember leaving the scene, throwing the roses on the sidewalk, ignoring the voice messages, living with parents, commuting to keep shitty job, enduring sexual harassment at said job, makeup on the eye and grace in the limp, leaving, leaving, leaving. Reinventing, loving again. Remember.)
J is good, seeks and strives for the good.
J is happy, healthy and youthful. (Feel it slipping away)
J is as J is NOW, is fine, feast and famine, ebb and flow. Recall love. Forget pain. Always forward, forward, forward pushing.

The Devil On Your Chest

Henry Fuseli, The Nightmare

Has this ever happened to you?

You're asleep one minute, dreaming or not, and suddenly you become aware that you can't move, can barely breathe, like something is sitting on your chest.

Ever opened your eyes and seen a guy like this sitting on you?

Henry Fuseli, The Nightmare (v2)

It's terrifying, obviously. You feel helpless. I have a few friends who have once or regularly experience these, so I want to shed a little light on what this phenomenon may be. The following is taken from a letter I wrote to one of these friends:

Dear Traveler,

There's a lot of information out there about what exactly is going on physically with this experience. One interesting thing is that this seems to occur most frequently in people with narcolepsy as well as more prevalent in those of African descent. It also occurs in people with abnormal sleep habits, daily stress, or generalized anxiety disorder. In these cases, it's a physical symptom, and presumably not "real," in terms of something that could actually harm you. Basically, your REM is still going but you're awake. It's a disruption of sleep for the usual reasons, stress, weird schedules, etc.

That said, I think this is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of explaining what those experiences are and how to avoid them.

 Early in college I was experimenting a lot with astral projection, the  experience of accessing the dream dimension while still awake. People have lucid dreams, and that's where this takes place. Your mind travels. There is really amazing evidence of the reality of this place as a literal dimension. It is believed that this is where you travel when you die. You can make plans to meet someone else (in waking life) in the astral, and you can find them, do stuff together there, and then in waking life discuss the events and you will have both experienced the same thing. Through minds. This is crazy shit, and I have totally experienced it. There's no expectation that anyone would believe this if you don't experience it firsthand, but there's my two cents. 

After doing some research around astral projection sites, I realized that your red devil is an archetype of what they call "evil entities." These are the evil things and people who you encounter in dreams, you try to run away from, they drag you down when you're trying to astral project, they threaten you, etc. You may even experience a superimposition of their physical image in the waking world if you open your eyes and yet you are still in the astral dimension. They may sit on your chest, preventing you from traveling back upward to your astral body. This is so common and recognizable that I think it may give you some answers about your experiences. Check it: http://astralprojectionguides.com/outer-body-experience-obe-symptoms/

What are these things? 

They are all around us, trying to intimidate and bully us out of attaining greater consciousness. They occur in the real world as well as the astral. The difference is, in the astral, you may see them as archetypical images of evil that we have absorbed from fairy tales, movies, and religion. Heres's some information from that same site: http://astralprojectionguides.com/dealing-with-evil-astral-beings/

That show you liked is back in style.

There's information that links them to the Dark Lodge, which if you're a fan of Twin Peaks, you may dismiss as Lynchian lore. But the dude did his research. On the fantastic revelatory tool known as Wikepedia I learned that he may have mined these terms Dark/Black/White Lodge from Bill Burrough's novel, Cities of the Red Night, part of which takes place in Tibet, where we know there is fathoms more knowledge un-mined by the majority of Western culture. So there's some good reading for you, and food for thought.

How do you get rid of them?

There are mantras you can recite, actions you can take like calling on your spirit guides, but the most important thing is to get in the habit of remembering that your astral body is eternal and cannot be harmed, and neither will your physical body. They're cheeky assholes, but full of baseness. Their weakness is light, love, and good humor. So one way is to imagine yourself full of blinding white light that radiates outward. This will immediately repel them. Or you can shoot a white laser beam out of your eyes or whatever, the important thing is to remember the glowing white light.

The most effective battle tactic for these jerks is to practice during your waking life. The habit of awareness on this level translates to your dream state. Like the dreams where you're doing something you do everyday, the pattern of repetition is fertile. So get in the habit of whenever someone seems threatening to you in waking life, think immediately of the ball of white light surrounding you and pulsing outward. If you can suspend disbelief and just do this over and over you'll be able to banish the devils.

Anyway, sorry for the long weird random email, but I think this shit's fascinating. You have a very complex and inventive mind which is what makes your art so awesome. Don't let shit like this make you worry about the state of your mind, don't let it produce more fear which ruins EVERYTHING. It's really lame, and you are a fucking machete wielding, gun slinging warrior with the intelligence and discipline to engage your consciousness on this level and defeat these guys. 

Peace,

JG

Summerbabes

The Art of Conversation

Has it been lost entirely amidst the clickity-clacks of text glibness and curt emails?

Do you ask about others as prerequisite to talk about yourself?

Do you live to discuss the misfortunes of others?

Is someone else's intrusion upon your space or time a frequent topic?

Is the folly of others in general a point of constant discussion?

Do you live for the conversation where your listener suddenly frowns, shakes their head, and emits some sort of "Jeez...whew!...oh my god...well I'm dashed...?"

Do you only feel that you have had satisfactory communication with another human when you've offered them another chance to feel helpless against the tides of reality?

Or maybe you are a Seeker, enlisting others in your search through twisted strands of logic to come up with an all-encompassing version of Why This or That is So.

-Do you cite previous empirical evidence for these chats?
-Do you invite your listener's knowledge? Do you do this in order to fill a gap in your own thought? Or do you merely ask your friend to bring over their toys so you can show them how much better your own are?
-Are you actually yearning to profess to someone all that you have gathered and fashioned into a grand sweeping Theory of Everything?
-Do you truly want to share something of your mind, or do you merely want to flex and fish for a compliment?
-Do you use conspicuously inappropriate terms, misuse words, and tangle it all into a cauldron of circumlocution in order to baffle and therefore win over your opponent? I mean conversant?

Do you use your intelligence as a blunt object? A laurel wreath?

Do you enjoy shitting on those with degrees? Are you fond of assigning alternate reasons for other peoples' education such as blue blood? Ed snobs? Ethnic competition?

Or perhaps the opposite is true, that you revel in the relative inadequate formal education of your partner, as this, you presume, assures that you will win every discussion?

Do you feel you have a Duty to inform others of global crisis issues? Do you believe because they did not know, they have never cared?

Do you love the sound of your own voice? Is your throat chakra spinning with all your platitudes?

Are you afraid of silence?

Are you afraid of not-knowing?

I sentence thee to a thorough reading of every "better to remain silent and be thought a fool..." quote ever written by people much smarter than I.

My New Song up on Bandcamp

Nailz

Check out these brachydactyl beauties!

New Shorty up on What Weekly!

New weird little story was published in the What Weekly Baltimore online journal--hooray!

The Collector by Juliana Grace

Champagne Chronicles

Scene: Fresh from watching the glorious Bridesmaids, two mimosas deep, strutting down to 24-hr mart to buy pretzel chips for the GIGANTOR tub of Nutella I bought just this day, (and incidentally a bag of Pepperidge Farm Dark Chocolate Cheesecake cookies) walking back on road 2 because at road 1 encountered friendly construction workers and I mean you smile once, you make their day, smile twice, and you've got a thing going. On said road 2, tall, gorgeous, mixed race gentleman walking opposite direction nearly eats shit on uneven sidewalk then makes eye contact and says, "I was focusing too much on you!" to which I reply, "I understand."

Stoppit.

The Lion and the Scorpion Are Friends

I'm the jerk who has never listed the birthdays of the most important friends in my life, and have noticed only through Facebook when I've already missed it. But I hope that as I do, my Leo friends will consider this entire phase of their constellation their celebratory time, and accept my thorough albeit belated wishes for a benevolent universe to smile on them.

In that vein, I noticed that I missed two birthdays of import, both bearing the Leo zodiac sign. I don't know anyone who chooses friends or lovers based on this alone, but it's always interesting to take note of the patterns that one seems to attract.

 First, a brief summary of the personality traits, drawn from various sources and condensed based on recurring themes.

Scorpio: Water sign. Passionate, magnetic, stubborn, brave, fiercely loyal; prone to jealousy, distrust based on gut impressions, violent. Controlled by Mars and Pluto, Mars/war, Pluto/secrecy, intelligence, desire power, drawn to the sensual and darkly sexual.

Leo: Fire sign. Charismatic, dramatic, creative, outgoing. When she enters the room, everyone takes notice. Fiery and self-assured. Controlled by the Sun/self, warmth, radiation, ego. Joyful, humorous, and boasting a regal manner, Leo loves time with friends and is a sun-worshiper.


One can see some striking similarities, most notably the curious magnetism surrounding both signs. Both are extremely confident and passionate signs, often to great effect together. This reflects what I notice about these two friends, that wherever we go together, we do not go unnoticed. We seem to control the room and everyone in it. The Scorpio admires and encourages Leo's spotlight and radiating warmth, content to watch it all go down. These two friends of mine are gorgeous, scene-stealers, and we often end up with a few tagalongs at bars and clubs. I often become violently jealous of their attention, and resentful of these unremarkable hangers-on who are understandably attracted to my friends.

As Pluto influences the idea of regeneration and rebirth in a Scorpio, the life-giving and energetic Sun characteristics of a Leo are in this way complimentary.

It's not a coincidence that my latest song, "Sister Narcissa," about one of these friends, has the lines, You tell me I'm lovely/I tell you you're gorgeous...I'm better in your eyes/you're better in mine.

Mutually desiring of respect and admiration, these two signs can totally boost each other. This might explain the often "buzzed" feeling I get after spending time with either of these ladies...at least in part.

I like best this passage on our compatibility:

"The best aspect of the Leo-Scorpio friendship is their mutual dedication to each other and the activities in which they participate. Both Signs have very powerful, yet strategically different, personalities. They are seen as a strong pair by others, and their mutual commitment to fulfilling their goals makes theirs a powerful friendship." (http://www.wate.com/global/Story.asp?s=4512454)


There is talk on other sites of the aspect of these two being "fixed signs," and prone to disagreements and clashes due to mutual stubbornness, or Leo's propensity for free expression of opinions and Scorpio's reticence and strong dislike of divulging secrets. But I often find the opposite is true, that I'm the brash one talking a blue streak, and my lovely Leo nevertheless respecting my passion, letting me speak and say all sorts of jerky things, and responding with warmth and intelligence to shine a bit of sunlight in my dark recesses. I find that the strong mutual respect shared between us overrides our desires for independence, for power and spotlight.

In summary, a very happy belated birthday to my beautiful Lionesses. I am more because of you, and I only hope I can prove to be the kind of friend who returns this exponentially.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM YOUR FAVORITE DESERT PREDATOR!!!

Jameses

Weee-ird:


Hot:


lolz:

Song to a Friend

Goodbye Face

They want you trapped, and they want you to do it to yourself.

Maybe this is the only online place where I don't have to be reminded of how boring everyone is. I begin to bore myself, when given too much freedom to express this or that that I believe now only because I had shit for sleep, shit to eat, and a shit drive home. Or that I believe this or that because someone licked my ass and gave me a kitten.

I don't care about shocking. I don't care about impressing. I want to care about the work I do, which is hard when no one else does. I think maybe you have to be your sole believer, your only disciple. Disciple must be linked with discipline. Discipline is being a disciple of yourself, of your own work, even when it means fuck all to anyone else.

We may not own our own minds anymore. Did we ever?

Artists are quitting their art because internet people are cowards and are mean to those who create, because they themselves will never create anything of importance except maybe a child raised by McDonalds and Dell, or a healthy throbbing tumor. They won't rest until we are all boring and marching dutifully into the meat grinder.

I find it disturbing that someone I barely know can download and print out a picture someone else took of me, send it to a printer and have a book made up with my face in it, never tell me or ask permission.

Our culture is cheap, and seeks to cheapen us. I feel cheap, used and abused, but I can't file a restraining order this time. I've trapped myself again.

Are you embarrassed by sincerity?

I like pinterest. This is my pinterest: http://pinterest.com/floraisadora/inspiration/

I like bandcamp. This is my bandcamp: http://julianagrace.bandcamp.com/

I like some of what I write. You will never see it until it is beautiful.

I like my blog. If you are curious you can read it.

Look What I Made

Artwork by Will Shanklin

You've Got to Sweat--A Workout Montage

Happy May Day!

How to Write Effectively Part II: A Good Thesis is Hard to Find

It's a grand ole system.

If you took AP English, you probably already know what the dreaded thesis statement is, what it does, and why it does it. Non-native English speakers, however, may not be as familiar with the concept since many Asian countries prefer a more roundabout way to write about a topic. But in grand ole' Capitalist America, time is money, and you respect your reader's time by getting to the point more directly.

There is also the tendency to think a thesis is a statement of intent: "I will prove over the course of my paper..."

NO!

Make no such lofty announcement, nor should you reveal self-consciously your role in the creation of this paper (unless you have a non-traditional writing assignment, like something more creative or personal narrative-based). Your name's at the top. We get that you are the author, so get out of the way of your own point, or you risk offering the reader too many opportunities to see your points as subjective opinions as opposed to logically-constructed points.

Rather the thesis provides a kind of brief, sentence-long guide to the organization of your paper. This is why you ought to wait until you've written your body paragraphs and determined the connection among your ideas.

I suggest the following order of drafting:

1. Choose a topic.(What do you like/hate? What do you want to know more about?)

2. Get down some possible subtopics (see  Writing Effectively Part I: Pre-Writing).

3. Begin to form basic connections among these subtopics. (What's the relationship between point A and point B? Does one support or refute the other? Is one a more specific or general idea?)

4. Write what you know about it.

5. See what you discover.

6. Form the thesis.

These steps can be rearranged based on how you think best, what information you have first, and what's going to cause you the least anxiety!

The best way to form a thesis is to pose a question of your topic, to which the thesis will provide an answer:

Topic: Class Distinctions in Manet's Cafe-Concert (1878).

Edouard Manet 1978 oil on canvas; The Walters Art Gallery, Baltimore, MD

Bad Thesis: There are various class distinctions in Manet's Cafe Concert.

Better Thesis: Manet's treatment of class distinction in Cafe Concert reflects his society of that time.

Even Better: Manet's attention to composition and the dress of his subjects reveals his attitude towards Parisian class divisions in the late nineteenth century. 

Best: Manet's uneven composition and the stark contrast in his subject's clothing suggest the atmosphere of severe and clashing distinctions of class in nineteenth century Paris.


Length

You may notice this thesis statement got longer as it got better. This is not always the case. It only happened in this case because there were more modifiers, the more specific thoughts requiring a couple more words. The important thing is that your thesis thoroughly addresses each of your subtopics, and suggests the logical development leading towards a final argument, in this case, that Manet saw his time and place as a mixing bowl of otherwise stratified class systems.


TMI?

Don't be so coy!

Don't worry about "giving away" your paper. You're not writing a mystery novel or going on a first date. What you are revealing in your body paragraphs are the steps in logic you went through to come to that particular point about your topic. For the sake of your class, this assertion does not necessarily need to be unique. For whatever assertion you can think of, someone has probably already written a book on it. That's fine, because essays are a way for you to exercise your intellect by beginning generally, considering a particular stance one could take on it, then working backwards to see the smaller steps you'd have to take to come to that.

During the revision process, you should keep your thesis either in the back of your mind if it'll stay there, or keep it handy on paper if you are a visual/kinetic learner.

Don't worry about concealing meaning: whip it out!!

Remember first and foremost: Writing is a process of discovery, meaning you may not know what you're saying until you see what you're saying! (E. M. Forster: "How can I know what I think until I see what I say?")


On a philosophical note, not everything in life means something. But in your paper, it should.

For more ideas visit: 
Diana Hacker
ClassWeb
UNC's Writing Center
 






Happy discovering!

How to Write Effectively Part I: Pre-Drafting an Essay

When students in this country begin writing in college, they are likely to become aware of some bad writing habits they've picked up. This may be because whatever high school they attended did not  enforce good writing habits, or they failed to take good pieces of advice seriously. Face it--senior year we all just want to get the f-- out of there. Understandably.

However, good writing is not just valuable for pleasing a professor. Consider the reason we attend school at all. It is to learn, to improve, to expand consciousness and examine up close the canon of information and intelligence we have inherited. And once we have done this, we are invited to apply our talents in the outside world, that is, beyond the classroom.

But still many students fail to see how good writing habits are connected to their particular field of study. What, for example, does proper comma usage have to do with politics, math, or business?
Consider this sentence: "The candidate owing to some scandal has dropped out of the race."

Without the comma bracketing the absolute phrase "owing to some scandal," a reader may first be confused by the phrase "The candidate owing." It is not clear, with the form "owing" if that is the verb following the subject, "the candidate," or if it is the start of an egregious sentence fragment. Then although logically we know that scandals do not have the power to drop out of anything, it is confusing to see "some scandal has dropped out of the race." We may have to read the sentence a couple times before we realize that some punctuation is missing, obscuring meaning. And after all, isn't that the point of writing, to communicate meaning?

Read more, write better.

Again, you may say, logically no reader would assume these errors are literal. But then we come to the true goal of writing: communicating meaning quickly and simply. We cannot use ESP, so we are obliged to spell it out. We do not want our readers having to spend time reading a sentence twice for a meaning that is quite simple. We do want them to be propelled to the next sentence as we lead them through a path of thought.

Remember also that you are being judged for your writing skills. How you write says a lot about you as a thinker. Do you skip steps in logic? Do you fail to address contradicting points of view? Do you ignore your reader, or disrespect him/her by obscuring your meaning with inflated structure? Good writing could literally mean the difference between getting the job or not, winning a grant/fellowship/spot on the board, or winning the girl/guy. I get asked all the time: what's the best and quickest way to become a better writer? And I respond:

"READ."

I have been a writing tutor now nearly four years, working with students both undergrad and graduate, both native English-speaking and otherwise, and I have found that there are a number of very common misunderstandings about written expression. Many students after my sessions have asked for a business card. As I am employed through the college, and have little outside time, I don't have such a trinket. I do, however, have this forum where I can maybe try to compile and address a few of these standards and why they are worth following.

I will start with the beginning of any writing assignment:

Pre-Writing

 A misnomer. It involves writing too. Our heads contain an impressive sandstorm of thoughts, ideas, intuition, distractions, and embedded cultural norms as well as leftover primal patterns. When we are concentrating on a particular subject, the thought filaments are flying around like bats out of hell, and the only way to pin them down is to drag them out and slap 'em on paper. They suddenly appear before us in all their simple glory, isolated from the clusterfuck that is our brain.

Once we look at an idea, several more pop up in us. Drag 'em out, pin 'em down. Look at the two ideas you've just written. How are they related? Does one support the other? Is it a more specific part of the first idea? Does it refute the first thought?

There are dozens of ways to organize a brainstorm session. I find myself organizing differently based on the ideas, the assignment, whatever. Some topics are going to be more complex than others, and I say the more complex the ideas, the simpler your outline should be. I have found the following outline structures to be helpful in different situations:

1. Traditional hierarchical outline:
-->

OUTLINE TITLE

Introduction

   I            The first sub-topic

n     A.     First supporting information for the sub-topic

n     B.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

n     C.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

                II    The second sub-topic

n     A.     First supporting information for the sub-topic

n     B.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

n     C.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

           III    The third sub-topic

n     A.     First supporting information for the sub-topic

n     B.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

n     C.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

            IV    The fourth sub-topic

n     A.     First supporting information for the sub-topic

n     B.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

n     C.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

                V    The fifth sub-topic

n     A.     First supporting information for the sub-topic

n     B.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

n     C.      Second supporting information for the sub-topic

conclusion:

Type conclusion notes on this page.

Checklist For Writing an Outline

Organization

The introduction states the main topic or idea of the outline.

Each paragraph in your paper has a sub-topic.

Each sub-topic describes the main idea for a paragraph.

Supporting information and details for a sub-topic are listed under the sub-topic

Each piece of supporting information is listed separately.

When supporting information is listed under a sub-topic, there are at least two pieces of information in the list. If there is only one piece of information to support a sub-topic, the information is inlcuded in the sub-topic.

The conclusion summarizes the main idea of the outline.

(Note that this outline contains more sections than the old 5-Paragraph Essay you learned in middle/high school. When you get to college you can remove the training wheels.)

The advantages to this form of outline is that you remember to order the more general ideas first and the specific aspects of those ideas second:

 2. Flow chart

  ---> Can be used for tracking multiple possible outcomes of your ideas. For example, if we assume the green light at Daisy's property in The Great Gatsby represents money, then we could assume that by staring obsessively at it, Gatsby's desire for her is linked to his desire for money. However, if we assume it is the green of youth, naivete and carelessness, then perhaps his desire for her is linked to his desire for youth. By examining each of the possibilities, boom--you have multiple subtopics to address and examine in your paper, filling up not only space in the paper you were supposed to hand in yesterday, but also demonstrating thoroughness of thought.

3. Venn Diagram (good for a comparative essay, good for the visually-oriented)

4. Spider graph 

You want your outline to be easily read--by YOU! So however you can read and then re-decipher your thoughts when you return to the outline is up to you. Most professors never ask to see this (unless you're in an academic writing class), so you can even use pictures if you think that way.

If you know you have trouble thinking and writing at the same time, consider finding a friend or visiting your friendly Writing Center for a tutor to help you with this. Remember that if you do consult a tutor, they are helping you do your work, not doing it for you. You are the expert on your subject because you've been taking the class. Bring all your materials from class, a copy of the assignment sheet, and a positive attitude.

This stage in writing is very important, because you are able to interact messily with your ideas as they form together, instead of trying to do this simultaneously in full, complete, grammatically correct sentences. Even if you are adept with writing assignments, this strategy will allow you to appraise the organization and logical flow of your ideas before you begin brilliantly cataloging them in sentence form.

Happy outlining! :)